I just can't understand why it is still so raw and fresh!
When will I start to heal?
Please, please let my strength grow back.

Blurbs

This is probably a common thread with a lot of people but after using Twitter and Plurk so much I find myself thinking in 140 characters or less. It's hard to write a proper post. My last couple of posts attest to this.

Finally a new phase has begun. This time period will be my longest away from home. This summer is challenging me in so many ways--some that I didn't expect it to. The obvious ways I did expect -- the pressure, the intensity, etc. But as for the other stuff... well, I was less than prepared for it. It's okay though, I'll be all right. Just have to do the best I can and take care of myself. The rest is out of my hands.

I am happy, I am!

I just hate these hours in between!

Enough is enough.

It's time for me to find my own peace.

Acceptance.

Somehow I feel like this summer I have to almost grow up for real. (The real growing up for real will be when I move out of my parents' home.) The reality that I'm not going home for yet another three months is starting to sink in. In these three months I will be under intense pressure to perform, succeed and shine--whether the stronger pressure comes from the external source or the internal source I can't say. I'm working on the whole not-being-excessively-harsh-on-myself thing, though. I say three months although formally it's ten weeks, because it starts now. My two days of full-on post-exam holiday extravaganza is over. Two days doesn't sound like a lot to compensate for two months, does it? But that's why I say I feel like I have to almost grow up. The days of long hard work being compensated by long holidays--that's gone.

Back to the studying. This kind of studying is different though, at least it's interactive. I'm actually glad to learn all this stuff. Maybe it's just my inner nerd rejoicing. At the same time I have to deal with this tooth that is really starting to hurt! Well, life isn't linear. You can't always solve one problem then move on to the next one, can you. You're forced to deal with them all simultaneously. Also I have to think about moving and packing all my stuff. Narrowing my life down into a reasonable amount of bags and boxes. I have a huge issue with hoarding, I'm a natural hoarder but I'm working on it. I managed to bin most of my notes already. Now to work on whittling down my clothes.

Liberty

Looks like my whole life has been centered around the UK system of education. The Malaysian school system is a mimicry of it, then A-Levels, and now a UK university that has only one final exam at the end of each year. Seems like it's been a long string of make-or-break exams. The entire school year leads up to it, then finally the incredible feeling of liberation when the examiner says "Thank you for waiting" after collecting your final paper.

The past two post-exam days have been spent just soaking in London's sun and food and shops. It was warm enough this weekend to actually wear a skirt -- though some people have been doing that but I need to make sure it's really warm before I do! Finally my legs get to see the sun after 9 months.

It was "A Taste of Spain" day today at Regent Street, so they closed it off to traffic. I now have a large poster of Mallorca and a straw hat that says 'Espana'. Well the n should have the tilde on top but I'm too lazy to look for it in Character Maps. It was really funny how there was a huge scrum for the straw hats. The poor man giving them out must have been so harassed. One man on the sidelines was going "Take it easy people! IT'S JUST A STRAW HAT!"

Ah, humans. When it comes to free stuff we all become savages.

Sorry I have no pictures except for this giant paella:


There were two -- which they were dishing out for free. The line was too incredibly long though.

Not being selfish is hard.

ONE MORE TO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Okay, okay, calm down... I still have to study.

Tightrope

There is always this delicate balance to maintain.

Cool logic / Raw emotion.

Reason / Passion.

Experience / Intuition.

One without the other, and we are either robots or fools.

The three evils are Greed, Hatred and Delusion.

Please let me be free from that which clouds my vision.

Aneka pilihan

Yang manakah benar?*

I. It's not over yet
II. It's so over
III. I'm not over it
IV. I'm over you

A. I sahaja
B. II dan IV sahaja
C. I dan III sahaja
D. I, II, III dan IV

*Di mana "it" merujuk kepada sesuatu perkara yang tidak semestinya serupa.
*Di mana "over" boleh ditafsir sesuka hati.